Just one More!

                   “More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us."  ~Romans 5:3-5 ESV

This passage was shared with me in Haiti during a devotional time by a pastor who was a member of a team.  We were to reflect on the message of this throughout our day.  These are my reflections from some time back.



This passage reigns true in Haiti, now more than ever. The people had a hard life before the earthquake but they managed. Now their suffering is very much being tested. Many, many Haitians are displaced throughout the county side, with no homes or jobs – they are living with family or lucky to have a tent on the side of the mountain top. But still they love life. They praise God for what they have. They enjoy visits from family and friends and strangers and welcome them.


I was joking with a friend about how many people can ride a tap-tap (Haitian taxi)?
the answer – 1 more.
How many people will we visit on the country side on our walk to the lake?
the answer – just 1 more.
How many people do we feed when we have food? one more.

Isn’t this the way Jesus fed the thousands with so very little food. He just kept sharing and said one more. All those who are weary come to me and I will give you shelter – HOPE – Truly Isaiah's words in 40:31 are never more true than in Haiti. God bring them refuge – let them soar on eagles wings so finally, finally they may live in a world where they are not weary, they will not be faint and they will have peace. This is the true peace and meaning of Shalom. Peace in and through you our eternal Savior. And when, everyone feels the true peace of your Shalom, we will all know love and we will share it with just one more, maybe one more Haitian, one more Sri Lankan, one more Korean, one more American.

Jesus said that the poor will always be with us.  Many people have struggled with this statement. Why? Why do people have to suffer? Why will there always be poor? What is truly sad is many Haitians believe that being poor is their plight in life.  Jesus says their will always be poor among us. This does not mean to say we have no choice to change matters.   But I think until everyone gets it, until everyone understands we have to take care of each other it will be true. This is why we are supposed to truly love and share with our neighbor. We will always have the poor with us until we get it. Get the real message of Jesus’ love for us and for all people and our responsibilities for living a life of love and justice for all people in the world.  It no easy task, it is difficult. 




My hope this Christmas season is that you see the true meaning of the season.  It is not about getting the newest gadget, the new look of the year, or upgrading what you have.  It is to share the blessings you have already been given to others.  Share with just 1 more! ...the love of the Christmas Season.  Thank you Baby Jesus for teaching us to love.


The pictures are taken from 'Heifer International' Pass on the Gift
If you are interested in purchasing an animal and giving to Heifer please let me know the 1st UMC in Vermillion is doing it this year. 
You/I can send a gift to your loved one saying - For Example:
$20 was sent to buy Ducks and Geese in your name.  They are easy to care for and provide a hungry family with nutritious, protein packed eggs to eat and sell at the market. Or if you would like to give to the Kids Club Christmas party in Haiti I will have more info on the next blog.  Thanks.

Struggles and JOYS!?

“Stuck on crutches, stuck in bed, feeling just stuck.  I have a new found appreciation for my legs.  Our bodies really are amazing devices we are given to do anything we imagine and we so take them for granted.  I always have at least.  Even something as simple as walking and carrying something in your arms is a struggle.” ~Angelica

 I wrote these words sometime in the middle of July I think.  I had broken my leg and was losing it.  It is amazing the psychological trials you go through when you experience something like that.  It wasn’t really my leg that was the main problem.  It was all the other symptoms.  Not being able to do things myself being the main one!  I am very independent.  I love to do things for others, I am the care giver.  So when roles were reversed I felt miserable and helpless; completely dependent on others.

 “My brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of any kind, consider it nothing but joy, because you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance; and let endurance have its full effect, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking in nothing.”  ~ James 1:2-4

                JOY!?! Not what I was feeling.  I was trying to embrace – I actually did know I was going through some sort of trial so I tried to learn from it…but let’s be honest – it still sucked!  But learning I did.  I think maybe it taught me to be a better care-giver.  It showed me that persons needing help may not want the help, but are left with no other choice.  It tears at your self- worth and leaves you feeling helpless.  After a while I found myself even giving up trying and completely relying on others.  I thought I just can’t do this anymore and I was slipping into depression. 

I started searching for things I could do!  I made beads, and I talked with the staff – I let them talk out their day if they were having struggles and became a sounding board.  I was accomplishing something and encouraged them and …I felt better.  I felt, I had worth again and I found myself being able to do more.

I think this is something to think about when we are ‘helping’ others.  It should be a partnership with what each of you can do in the situation.  Sometimes in order to ‘help’ others you have to walk with them and help them see themselves again.  Encourage them to endure the trial and walk with them through it and in the end you both will have JOY!

Hope through suffering - Share with Just one more

Romans 5:3-5 ESV - “More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us."

This passage reigns true in Haiti, now more than ever. The people had a hard life before the earthquake but they managed. Now their suffering is very much being tested. Many, many Haitians are displaced throughout the county side, with no homes or jobs – they are living with family or lucky to have a tent on the side of the mountain top. But still they love life. They praise God for what they have. They enjoy visits from family and friends and strangers and welcome them.

I was joking with a friend about how many people can ride a tap-tap; the answer – 1 more.
How many people will we visit on the country side on our walk to the lake; the answer – just 1 more.
And how many people do Haitians feed when they have food; - just 1 more.

 

Isn’t this the way Jesus fed the thousands with so very little food. He just kept sharing and said one more. All those who are weary come to me and I will give you shelter – HOPE – Truly Isaiah’s words in 40:31 are never more true than in Haiti. God bring them refuge – let them soar on eagles wings so finally, finally they may live in a world where they are not weary, they will not be faint and they will have peace. This is the true peace and meaning of Shalom. Peace in and through you our eternal Savior. And when, everyone feels the true peace of your Shalom, we will all know love and we will share it with just one more, maybe one more American, one more Si Lankan, and one more Korean. And that suffering of the Haitians will lead to hospitality to the world, sharing with just 1 more.

Jesus said that the poor will always be with us. And many people have struggled with this statement. Why? Why do people have to suffer? Why will there always be poor? But I think until everyone gets it, until everyone understands we have to take care of each other - it will be true. This is why we are supposed to truly love and share with our neighbor. We will always have the poor with us until we get it. Get the real message of Jesus’ love for us and for all people and our responsibilities for living a life of love and justice for all people in the world. Share with just one more.

Today was an interesting day in Haiti. (written about a year ago)

It is amazing how one day can go from awful to wonderful.  It started in Port au Prince and ended at my house in Mizak so it doesn’t seem so strange when you throw that in there.  I took Cassie and Adam to PaP yesterday so that they could catch their flights early this morning. 

We just stayed with some friends so I slept on the floor, a concrete floor with a carpet.  And there are so many more noises in PaP then in the countryside, music playing all night, cars passing by and people praying.  And it is hot, HOT, sticky nasty and no air conditioner, which is also makes the misquitos fun to deal with!  Needless to say even with the Benadryl I didn’t sleep so much.  We had to get up about 5:30am to see them off to the airport.  The drive there was not bad, not a lot of traffic.  They were safely on their way.

But we were off on our own journey back through the hot noisy city, trying to find several different Tap-Taps (trucks- of different sizes that serve as Taxi’s. They call them Tap-Taps because people tap on the side of the truck when they arrive at their destination.)  At one point in time in the main market strip in PaP we were not moving at all, for some time.  We decided to get off the Tap-Tap and walk  That was until I was walking in sludge, this nasty grey gunk on the ground and said we need to get back in a machine.  The nasty grey sludge was splashing up on my legs if we walked to fast.

 Lucky, we found a truck about that time.  It may have been one of the most interesting Tap-Tap rides I have had, or at least the most interesting conversations.  A lady boarded the Tap-Tap with her 4 small children under the age of 7, the youngest being about 5 months.  The boy was fussy and the other merchant ladies thought he was hungry as he was grabbing at his mother’s shirt.  The ladies in the Tap-tap ranging in age of 25-60 then proceeded to discuss breast feeding, talking about benefits of and how long and how many kids they all fed.  I couldn’t believe I was in my current setting listening to this conversation among knowledgeable women. 

                We finally arrived at the Bus Station to catch the bus to Jacmel.  After negotiating with 3 different vans we finally got one to let us take the 10 year old that was coming with us only ¼ of the way for free on Papi’s lap.  These normal sized mini-vans ride 19 with the driver.  You sit in rows 4 across; you are pressed up against the person next to you so tight you should know their life story.  If you think of the space you have on the airplane with the 3 seats across if it was a van you could squeeze one more person in that row.  So there we were I had 2 backpacks on my lap, my own and Yadlee (the 10 year old we were dropping off) was part on my lap, part on Papi’s lap.  Not to mention the 2 ladies on either side of us each had a lap full of goods too.  It was hot and miserable!  To survive, you really just end up sort of in a trance, sort of in a dreamy, sleepy state of mind trying to imagine you are already at home.

 When we dropped off Yadlee it seemed we were in heaven with all the room we had, now just squished between the 2 people with one backpack; riding in the middle of Papi and I.  Now time for some sleep, however shortly after climbing the mountain we ran into ‘road construction’.  Pretty much the whole mountain has become eroded and is falling down on the road, so we were waiting for what seemed like forever in this van with 19 people and no breeze!  I got out my DVD player, I don’t usually ever like to do this because it seems rude and I just don’t’ like to announce I have one.  But I thought it would pass time so I started ‘Julie and Julia’.  Once we got going though I had to stop it due to road sickness to many curvy roads to be watching a film.

                After getting off the van at DiMez and eating some rice and beans in a small restaurant and changing into shorts behind the shack or a restaurant, instead of my tight short skirt to ride the motorcycle; it was smooth sailing.  I was so happy to be bouncing up that mountain with the breeze, almost home! 

                Right after the road where I always think to myself ‘almost there!’, we see a family of 3 walking with 8 full size chairs and 4 small Haitian Kitchen Chairs (looks like a kid’s chair) on their heads.  I immediately nudged Papi, because since being in the country again I have been looking for dining room chairs.  We have 4 at the house for the 7 people who live on the property.  Which is usually fine because it doesn’t seem everyone is ever home at the same time, but when there were 2 more Americans at the house – I felt bad stealing the chairs from other family members.  After much negotiation we ended up with 4 large chairs and 1 small kitchen chair.  Our driver actually helped negotiate the price.  After arriving home I was so excited to be home, I sat and relaxed on my bed and a bit later I had new chairs show up on another motorcycle.  I rested from the long journey by taking a big nap on my bed.  We had left early enough that when I awoke from the nap I still had plenty of time to organize and clean in the house before dinner. 

The happenings of one day.

 

"A new song in my mouth" - written last spring in Haiti

Today has been a beautifully perfect day in Haiti.  And why shouldn’t it be I suppose.  I was struggling a lot last year being here.  Nothing seemed to fit, to flow, so many road blocks.  I felt like a fish out of water.  After coming back I figured I would be on the same dry land, but I have been bound and determined to work at it.  Part of this has been writing more and part has been reading the bible and Upper Room Devotions from 2011.  I had some old ones I never read.  There are references in the front so I read on ‘failure’ and ‘loss’. 

Psams 40:1-3

I waited patiently for the Lord:

                                he inclined to me and heard my cry.

He drew me up from the desolate pit.

                                out of the miry bog.

and set my feet upon a rock,

                                making my steps secure.

He put a new song in my mouth

                                a song of praise to our God.

 

These were my thoughts in the morning in was like new light was shinning, ‘a new song in my mouth’.

The coconut juice, you put it to your lips and it has the perfectness of the purest water you have ever had in your life.  But it has richness to it; like if gold or diamonds were made into a drink, that richness is the coconut juice.

The coffee is hot and black.  The sweetest thing you could ever drink ,but not too say that you wouldn’t want it just perfect, and strong.  I add cinnamon to it and it is like a holiday evening in the winter with family.

The spaghetti is perfect this morning, small chunks of chicken, onion, an amazing flavor.  I think awe, I have some parmesan cheese!  I search for the cheese in the other house.  What do a find under the table cloth on the shelves; I see a piece of avocado.  Avocado!  No one told me there was avocado right now in the country.  I come back and tell Raphael who is eating breakfast with me about the avocado, I am practically giddy.  He doesn’t really believe me and asks where it is to go investigate.  He searched and then asked his mother.  – She had been saving this little piece for me and she had forgotten about it.  Oh I love avocado in Haiti; one of my absolute favorite things.

Thanks for the new song!

Updates - From July

      It is time to catch up on some blogging.  I have worked on some but have not posted for a time.  Life seems… I don’t even really know how to explain it.  I think I was in a dream, a haze.  About a month has passed now since I married Raphael.  Just saying that seems still very hard to believe.  We had been working on him coming to the U.S. for over a year and a half.  When it finally happened it felt unreal.  Having him here was surreal I would sometimes look at him and be amazed we were together.  And then the wedding… I think I can say I have finally had an out of body experience.  It was like um, here it was my wedding day (?)  I just really never really thought it was going to happen.  And now people say things like wife and husband and I think- is this my life? When did this happen?

 

I have been waiting and wondering what God has in store for us next… not getting a clear response and waiting.  I have been missing Haiti more than I would have imagined and yet life here seems pretty wonderful right now too.  Which way do we turn, now?  Which direction?  We have been working out at Storm Mountain Center (a United Methodist Church Camp nestled in the beautiful Black Hills of South Dakota).  I have been cooking and Raphael doing maintenance work.  Before starting the jobs here, I had started settling into what will be our home for a year in Vermillion, SD starting in the middle of August.  I accepted a job with the 1^st UMC there working in Campus Ministry.  This is the work I was doing before I went to Haiti.  But I have been impatiently wondering, what does life hold after this year.  Where shall we go?  Are we in Haiti or are we in the U.S?  Patiently or really not so patiently waiting for answers.

            These are the thoughts that had been running through my head.  Then a week ago – bam! I slipped on some stairs.  One moment, one fleeting bleak of an eye and my fibula is fractured, torn ligaments, and surgery coming Monday.   How, What, Why? I have been frustrated, angry, pissed off, determined, depressed, and even grateful.  I said to a friend I was feeling some of these things and she suggested maybe this is God’s way of saying slow down, you aren’t superwomen.  It has had me thinking.  I am of the people that bad things just happen – God doesn’t cause them, will them, or support them.  But, this incident has humbled me even more.  It has made me realize how blessed we are.  How precious life is.  And maybe sometimes things do just happen.

 

I thought I had learned patience in Haiti.  I thought I had learned how to let others take care of me in Haiti.  But now I see maybe I just tolerated it. 

I do think I have a lot of patience, and I really did learn more in Haiti – but again being tested.  I always struggled with letting the family that cooked for me do that for me.  I have always been the helper, I am the one in the kitchen getting things ready, I always pinch in a helping hand and have to stay busy.  In Haiti it was a struggle this new role of having someone else bring me my coffee.

I arrived at Storm Mountain and I was in my element –cooking for others and taking care of others!  Yes, again good.

And now – I am stuck in a cabin.  I have to have someone drive me to meals (because of coarse it is my right foot).  I can’t even grab my own cup of coffee from the dispenser because I have crutches.  I find myself back to my dependence in Haiti.  What does this mean?  What is next?  Well I know one thing – it is a time to catch up on some much needed blogging.  So here we go.  I am going to first post some I had written in the past and not got around to finishing up and then we will start telling some stories that have been left out of the picture.  Hope you enjoy.

Getting back to Blogging - finally

First off I need to apologize for leaving this blog for too long with the blog title - "Frustrated" at top of the page - but that is how I as feeling and I guess for awhile.  Much has happened since then so I am going to try and catch up.

Just because it is beautiful and so are you!

I already did catch up some - I started writing again mid summer - but it had been so long since I had blogged I forgot my password.  And I was in an area with limited reception both internet and phone.  In order to retrieve my blog password I had to have it sent to my phone.  These kind of dynamics reminded me of being back at home in Haiti. 

But let me get to it.  I will post what I had written and what was started and finished last spring - summer and then we will get caught up. 
Thank You! for still being here.

Frustrated!

I am upset! I was angry before I left Haiti and I found myself angry and sad again. But the problem is I have nowhere to direct my anger to. I am so angry it frustrates me and makes me sick to my stomach. It seems something should be done about it and yet there seems too big of problem to be solved.


Let me tell you two stories and it will explain some of my feelings.

I had heard that my neighbor’s husband in Haiti was sick. (As I write that sentences a few other stories come to mind and I will share those too.) It was also the husband of one of the artists that I work with in the area. They said he is really sick. This is a scary thing to hear in Haiti! I have learned if they say ‘really sick’ the person could very likely die. Which seems crazy in our society, people ‘sick’ get better, even people ‘really sick’ get better, even people we are pretty sure are going to die miraculously live! But to hear this in Haiti you know you have to go visit, because more than likely they won’t be around long. We went to the house and visited the family. He didn’t look good but was sitting outside and they had plans to go to the doctor in PaP, so there seemed to be hope. He had gotten kicked by a cow and it had done something to his insides that had somehow blocked his digestive system. The next I had heard he was back from PaP, he even went to see the Red Cross- this was a good sign. No- they basically told him they could do nothing for him. They don’t have the capability of doing that surgery in Haiti, sorry but you can’t eat and you’re going to die.

THAT’S IT?! Thoughts went through my head on how ridiculous this was. If this man was in the U.S. he would have had his surgery already and be home recovering. Can’t something be done? My American brain couldn’t stand this injustice and yet could do nothing about it. Can’t they even give him something for the pain? They really just said ‘sorry’? And this man has to go home and starve to death while his family watches!? ….yup that is it. Se la Vi! [That is life]

My dear neighbor did die about 2 weeks later. All of his 7 children got to see him before he died. Many of his friends and neighbors visited daily during those 2 weeks. Almost every night you could hear singing and praying coming from the house – the local church had a prayer group there for him and the family each night. I went to several of them. Everyone had the same look of hopelessness, and sadness on their face. But we said the prayers and sang the songs and tried to pour out our love for the family. And the end of the ‘service’ everyone walks around and shakes everyone’s hand and you can feel the pain and anguish in the room and you can also feel Jesus crying there with you; because sometimes nothing can be done but to pray and be together.

I have thought of this many times while I was back in the states. But alas what can really be done?

After returning to Haiti I was sitting on the Lee’s porch having a meeting. ZiZi one of our kids club leaders as well as one of our staff at then New Life School said this one boy had died, 12 years old he was in 2nd grade class at our school. My brain sort of heard it but didn’t quite register it. He was speaking Creole and not speaking directly to me, so I wasn’t completely tuned in. Lee said, “Did you just hear that?” Yes sort of. So they talked more about it. He wasn’t sick or anything just had a bad stomach ache and then died. I was first shocked and sad! How does a 12 year old just die from a stomach ache?! Then it hit me, I bet he had an appendicitis. I imagine once in a blue moon people still die from these in the states but most of the time I bet they do emergency surgery and then the person is just fine. (As I said before, recovering the next day.) I had to find my pictures and know what little boy this was. Did I know him well from the school? Everyone remarked what a smart young man he was, top of his class….of course he was. Ugh, Haiti!

The other night, that is who I was angry at – Haiti! But then Haiti has been abused by so many for so long, even our own government has been a culprit in helping Haiti to where it is today. I want to blame the healthcare system, or really lack thereof, but I also have seen that they do the very best with what they have in Haiti. I said earlier I had 2 more stories that came to my head. One was of a woman with a hurt leg. It was swollen and a team went and visited her. I thought she would be fine, inflamed leg. Take some antibiotics, ibprophen for the swelling. A month later we received a report she had died. Perfectly healthy otherwise 30-something year old, dies from a sore leg. And the other, I don’t know the whole story. It was a cousin of my family here in Haiti, a 23 year old girl died from a cut on her leg! There was a young boy with a heart defect in the area too. One of H.A.P.I.’s (local organization) teams had detected the defect and were making arrangements to get the young man to the United States for surgery. Before they could arrange through the embassy (a massive amount of paperwork) to get him to the U.S. he died. I am sure there are many more stories. It breaks my heart. I want to yell at someone. So I wanted to share in my blog – not yelling at you. But maybe you will find yourself wanting to yell or do something too.

I am sure there are many more stories like this in other developing countries. I am sure there are probably some in the United States too for people who can’t afford good healthcare. But something needs to be done. Some action needs to be taken. I know several young people in this area who would like to go to school to be a doctor – the problem is the family can’t afford to put their kids through college and feed the rest of the children. Sure if you are a nurse or doctor you could come to the country for a week and help. And that does do many wonderful things! It has saved lives! But it still doesn’t change the situation. The change has to come from within, Haiti. Young people in the U.S. are able to go to school with student loans, unfortunately that doesn’t exist in Haiti. How many doctors would we lose in the U.S. if student loans did not exist? Money shouldn’t be a determining factor in someone’s dream is to be a doctor to help save the people of his/her country from dying. And people shouldn’t be dying in any country in this day in age from an appendicitis or a hurt leg! Just need to share my anger with someone, because it makes my heart hurts. Maybe you know what to do.