Beautiful Butterfly

I have had many transition over the last year.  Many I am still coming to terms with at this time.  But I am growing learning and adjusting much like this story I would like to share with you.

I woke up in the morning in my first fall quarter at Southwestern College where I am studying Art Therapy / Counseling; with these thoughts in my mind and heart. A little story, a poem, words for my own soul that maybe you need to hear too.  To all who read this who feel as a caterpillar, or maybe you are having growing pains in the cocoon…remember you will fly when you are ready!

Transitioning Butterfly

I am a trapped caterpillar alive and energized, but scared.  Inside the cocoon, the weather is shifting and there is tightness and changing happening.  I pull and turn. I feel the presence of my wings but have no idea how they are going to work.

I have seen butterflies.

Do I remember how they fly?

Do they flutter, glide, or ride the wind? 

Do they choose where to go?

Do they feel drawn by an energy source going here or there? 

I do remember their peace and beauty. 

They flutter from here to there like the world needs them to send a message of peace to all that might gaze upon them. She has a secret; I know she does.  Maybe she could teach me, but I fear she will be gone by the time I struggle and break free for myself.  No, I know this is something I must do on my own.  But for now, I will watch her flutter and dance.  I will start to move my wings the way I think they need to move. I will gaze at the vibrant colors and then close my eyes and try and pull those colors down into myself. 

What will my colors be - blue, yellow, shades of orange, accents of black?    Or a psychedelic changing from green to blue to purple depending on how the light is touching it.

In the cocoon my fears dance like stars in my head - what if I am just a moth and not a butterfly at all! 

“No fear.” Now you know that is not true.

I can feel the colors emerging so much I can smell them. I will continue to pull them into me.

I am still blossoming and developing – I can feel it in my soul.

I am aware of my wings as

 I am still growing. 

And then one day I will push and twist and move like a strong dancer as my mighty wings emerge.  And then, then I shall fly, and flutter, and dance. I shall let the wind carry me, and I shall move toward the flower in need.  

I will dance with the other butterflies but only for a bit, 

I have so many places to go. 

I will visit the caterpillars along the way. 

I shall kiss them on their back and encourage them with a whisper. 

“You are a beautiful butterfly too!  You will start to feel it and sense it and then be one!  Transformations take time sweet caterpillar, but remember you are a butterfly!”

Chickens! ~What a beautiful reminder of Haiti!

     There have been so many things going on in our lives lately.  I haven’t yet wrapped my head and heart around how exactly to share or even if we really need to or should share.  

However, in the mean time I wanted to talk about my love of chickens.  I have been feeling a need and urge to blog again. The other morning I woke up to the sounds of chickens.  Which wouldn’t normally be that unusual but I am not in Haiti right now.  I moved to New Mexico and the land we live on has chickens.  Waking up to the clucking and cock-a-doodle-doo every morning has made me wonder a few times if I wasn’t in Haiti.  The alarm clock of chickens each morning just brings joy to my heart as I think about Haiti first thing in the morning.  We also have goats, geese, and turkeys so I have joked that I am living in a suburb of Haiti. 

Elijah in Haiti

     So many things here remind me of Haiti.  There is even another language spoken everywhere we go and has stumped me several times.  I hear someone speaking in a different language (Spanish of course) but my brain immediately tries to start speaking Creole.  I don’t know if it helps or hurts that I have had some Spanish in the past but all that comes out of my mouth is Creole.  Much of the architecture here also gives a nod to Haiti in that they use concrete to construct the buildings.  They also got the memo on needing large walls and enclosure around your whole property.  There isn’t as much color on the buildings as there is in Haiti but you will see a spark of bright color on fences, doors, and trim work.

Elijah in New Mexico

       So as I am some 2,341 miles from Haiti - I regularly think of all my loved ones in Haiti and the various artists, teachers, and mamas I have worked with in Haiti.  

Oh, the chickens!  Elijah loves having them too.  He has always wanted to catch the chickens even when he was old enough to walk in Haiti.  The other day he announced to me he was home and had a present for me. (To the left is what I saw when I looked out the window.)  I am so happy I have chickens, continuing to keep Haiti close to my heart.

Daily I am reminded of life in Haiti and still miss it dearly.  Thank you Chickens! More to come on the animals soon.  I have a goose that took a bath that brought pure joy to me.

A New House for a Family of 5 in Haiti

I met this family back in 2011 when I was volunteering with Living Media International 2 of the 3 children were in school then. It always hurt my heart seeing the condition of their little home. But they were doing the best that they could to take care of their children. Often times living conditions are hard in Haiti, their are many people that find scraps of materials to build a temporary home. But with lack of employment and resources, the temporary home looks to be permenent solution.

When I visited the family in 2016 I saw that they had started the foundation for a new house and 1/2 walls around the house. These are just kind of projects we like to get involved in with the Elijah Project we started in 2015. We wanted to find a way to help people that were struggling to make a difference for themselves and just needed a bit of extra help.

Lydia in school uniform.

Jean Paul at New Life School.

In 2016 we already had 3 projects but I talked with Raphael about any extra funding we could help out John and his family. We dug into our own funds and purchased cement to finish the walls, nails, and corregated tin for the roof. We also provided funds so Jeanette could feed the boss who had volunteered much of his time. The house (room) wasn't ready to move into but we had made a little more progress and we had a budget we could go back and raise money for next year.

We presented at a couple different churches in the Black Hills and one individual heard our story and wanted to make a difference in whatever way he could in Haiti. He made a $500 donation so much of that money went to this project as well as an outhouse for a neighbor. Which I find ironic considering this individual gave money from his plumbing buisiness. Plumbing is important in every country!

Raphael cooked 2 Haitian meals for fundraising at 1st UMC in Vermillion and the church also did matching funds for money raised for building projects. It is so amazing to see progress being made in our community. We couldn't do it without help from many different individuals.

1145 mile move, to a new place?! This wasn't the plan.

          This past year we realized we needed to settle down somewhere.  We have Elijah now and kids are supposed to have stability, plus Raphael and I have been feeling we need some stability in our lives too.  It is hard always being in transition....even if in some ways we love it, or at least I do.   So we made plans, we thought we had the perfect job locked in and so our future in Haiti would just be on our vacation days.  However, I guess plans change...the job didn't work out and we felt lost.  We had not been pushing as hard to raise money for our return to Haiti.  We still did a few craft shows and talked with a few churches, knowing we would maybe just be going to Haiti for a month at best.   
         What would we do now, we didn't have the money saved up to go back to Haiti.  We were praying and searching and praying.  Then I received an email from the camping office about an Internship position for 9 months.  It involved doing all the things I already loved doing at camp plus learning more about what I don't know about camp.  Plus Raphael could work part time as maintenance, plus we could still take off for a month in the winter to go to Haiti!  

It was God sent, perfect!

         Perfect, but I was somewhat scared and wondered what we were getting ourselves into.  But then I remembered I moved to a different country, under similar circumstances, just trusting God and having faith that everything would work out as the universe planned.  Sometimes we make our own plans but God has something else better planned out for our lives.

Judson Collins Center is a United Methodist Camp nestled in the Irish Hills of Michigan.  It is down south in the palm of the mitten about an hour from Detriot.  It really is a beautiful area. It has been interesting learning at a new camp and also sharing our knowledge with the camp.  We can always grow and learn new things.  Raphael has been busy working part time maintenance, cutting trees and grass and all things that need to be done.  I have been working on marketing and cooking up a storm in the kitchen each weekend we have retreat groups.  We have also loved taking care of the barnyard animals.  Especially Elijah.

Sometimes God makes plans we didn't even know possible.  This sacred place has given us a place to relax and regroup and refocus.  We have been making plans to return to Haiti in September 2017 for a longer period of time.  Next summer we will do more fundraising so that we will be able to stay in Haiti for a year or more.  The time frame will depend on the funds raised.  We are looking for churches to come and share about Haiti and to sell the artists goods from Haiti.  Also craft fairs and other events we can bring the beautiful artwork of Haiti to share with more people.

Life is an adventure God leads us on.  Enjoy the journey you never know what will be around the next turn.  God likes to keep things interesting.  Some days we feel like we are on a roller coaster.  Ready for the next adventure, taking leaps of Faith with GOD.  
Thanks for being on the journey with us.

"Faint-heart, What got into you?"

Until opening by blog this morning, I didn't realize it had been so long since I had wrote a blog!  I am sorry for that.  I somehow lost my voice, writers block, busyness of life, having a 2 year old, starting a new job, I am sure there are more excuses.  But this past weekend we had a Fall Retreat for the youth in Michigan at Judson Collins Center (which I will write more about in the next blog.)  The retreat was titled Dream Big!  I did a talk on Trusting God.  Spending time with the youth talking about following their dreams, made me realize that I have not been doing all I can to follow my dreams.  I have been in a rut and dragging my feet.  

And so, I started reflecting on achieving the impossible. I shared the scripture with the youth about Jesus calling Peter out of the boat. 

"Peter, suddenly bold, said, “Master, if it’s really you, call me to  come to you on the water.” He said, “Come!” Jumping out of the boat, Peter walked on the water to Jesus. But when he looked down at the waves churning beneath his feet, he lost his nerve and started to sink. He cried, “Master, save me!” Jesus didn’t hesitate. He reached down and grabbed his hand. Then he said, “Faint-heart, what got into you?” 

I was once bold about my dream, God's dream.  On good days I felt like I could walk on water or accomplish the impossible.  Lately I have been feeling less inspired, this weekend I heard God saying to me, in that gentle loving way ..."Faint-heart, What got into you?"  And between the retreat weekend and taking some of the Haitian Crafts to a Craft Sale with my encouraging Aunts and others; I heard Jesus again softly saying to me. "Come!"

Focusing, thinking and reflecting on Haiti made me think of one of my greatest accomplishments last year when we went to Haiti for those 5 months.  Two years ago the artist Nicole who makes the baskets with a group of ladies came to show me her beautiful work..  I am always overwhelmed when I see these gems.  I talked with her about coming to visit her house where all these ladies work.  I would love to meet everyone.  Her response, "Oh you can't get there.  It is too difficult to travel."  I felt dismayed and discouraged.  The next year I said I would do it, but her words echoed in my head.  "You can't." And so that was one of my biggest regrets of that year, not going!  Not getting out of the boat.  So last year. I was determined, no matter what that was my top priority! 

So Raphael, my husband and I set out on motorcycle up the mountain to see the ladies.  

This is the view we had from the top

And this is where we left the motorcycle as far as
we could travel by motorcycle time to walk.

You can see how rough the terrain is on the rocky path and the steepness of the mountain.  There were times I had to have Raphael walk ahead of me so I could hold on to him as not to fall.  It seemed impossible!  

At times I thought Nicole was right, I can't get there.  But other people lived here.  Nicole traveled this road every time she carried all those baskets.  And the views were incredible and encouraging.

A very old cystern for water.

Nicole's sister our guide down the mountain.

“No one gets very far unless he accomplishes the impossible at least once a day.” – Elbert Hubbard

I almost fell a couple of times.  My knees and back were hurting.  I wondered if we would ever get there and what I had gotten myself into? ...and oh dear God I am going to have to climb back up this steep hill.  And then we rounded a corner and this was our view.

Oh my Goodness!  

Picture perfect - It was better than I could have dreamed!  Dream Big!

Dream Big that was our theme from this weekend.  God is calling you out of the boat.  The journey might be long, it might seem impossible, but you are being called, Come!  Don't wait 2 years like I did.  Take courage because with God walking down the steep mountain with you, you will get there and be surprised at what God and you can accomplish.

 

DREAM BIG ~ TRUST GOD!

Trust in the LORD with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5

Check the Chaos.

We have been traveling and I have not been good about sharing what is going on in our lives or even just sharing about Haiti.  I also have to admit I have not felt that inspired and also tired.  I have been recouping from some spiritual hurt in the past.  So concentrating on healing has left me lost at times and simply trying to find my balance. 

Last week Raphael and I were at the Luther Center sharing a Haitian meal with our old campus ministry friends.  And I had the opportunity to share the message.  This semester they have been asking the question, “Where do you find (experience) God?”  My most basic answer is ‘in Nature’.  I shared more detailed stories about where I feel most at home and with God is in the mountains in Haiti and the mountains of the Black Hills.  Last night a week after I shared, I decided I wanted to share a meal again at the Luther Center (even with our busy schedule, it seemed important).  After the meal and carving pumpkins I was tired and it was time to take Elijah ‘home’ to bed in Vermillion.  I wasn’t sure I was going to come back for worship.  But one of my friends, a graduated student said you need to experience some home – come back and worship with us.

Luckily I listened to her advice.  I returned and it was so meaningful.  Every service is started by saying something to the effect of leave the chaos of your life outside, check it at the door; this space is sacred and is meant to be spent at peace with God and yourself.  And with the music and the silent prayer, I find God again and again, each time I am there.  Last night it brought tears to my eyes and gave me a renewed energy and centering for our journey ahead. Luther Center last year was such a central part to my healing heart with organized religion and God. I am blessed to be a part of that community.  Everyone should have a place that they can find that sort of peace.  If you don’t have one keep searching.

                

This morning I read a blog by a friend, that has also been doing a bit of traveling about sacred places.  I encourage you to read it.  

http://thegreenmangoblog.com/2015/10/06/a-green-mango-pilgrimage-part-2-bahai-faith-temple/ 

Go wherever you need to, to find God.  God is waiting for you to reconnect.  God is always there sometimes our lives just get to crazy, to much chaos to hear that still small voice.  Check your chaos at the door and find some peace.  I know easier said than done.  Like I said the music helps.  Hope this helps you.  This is one of the songs we played last night. 

Peace.

"Love your neighbors as yourself." Mark 12:31

Today Astrel's Grandpa died and I knew it before the sun rose.  In Haiti you are very close to you neighbors, both physically and emotionally.  You are really more like an extended family and most the time they are indeed third, forth and fifth cousins.  Always just referred to as cousins in Haiti.  I have been trying for awhile to relate this kind of living to anything we have in the United States.  It came to me the other day.  It is like living in a large apartment building with no doors.  Like no outside door to your apartment.  Not that we don't have doors in Haiti but you don't have windows, that shut out any kind of noise.  So everything going on with your close neighbors you can hear.

This is how I knew about the death in the 'neighborhood' before I had even gotten out of bed.  In Haiti when someone dies they cry out.  Maybe wailing is what we would call it.  Its the third time now I have experienced it.  You are literally woken up to moaning and screams throughout the mountainside.  It is heart wrenching.  And then you wonder who is it?  In what direction is it coming from?  The family was immediately up and out checking on who it was.  Although they thought they knew already because Astrel's Grandpa was sick.  As I laid there in bed I just lifted up a prayer for the family for peace and condolences.  When you are with your neighbors like this, there is a bonding that happens that is unlike any other experience.

I thought I might compare it to a church family.  Which I am blessed to have an amazing one in Vermillion as well as the 'exteneded' family of the United Methodist Church in the Dakotas Conference.  But even that is something you only experience once a week or once a year.  Everyday I greet the neighborhood from my porch as they go to and from school and work.  Sometimes even before I brush my teeth or while I am outside in my front yard brushing my teeth.

Before I moved back to the states this was one of the things that drove me crazy.  I had to deal with the young men in the neighborhood dropping by for coffee before I even headed out to use the bathroom in the morning.  But now I don't know something has changed. (I have a backdoor now so I can at least use the bathroom without everyone knowing.)  But also, I love seeing the people and sharing their lives.  And just as I am writing this one of my neighbors a second cousin once removed stopped by.  They didn't make supper at his house tonight so we shared what we had leftover with him and his son.

Somehow it seems there is always enough to go around in the neighborhood.  Thank you Jesus for helping me understand the loafs and fishes a little better.  And there it is the leftover rice was just brought back into the house.  Mesi Jesi for teaching me to love my neighbors.